08132010

tonight was a night of..well..i wouldnt know how to describe it.

mysterious? eventful? enlightening? yet at the end of the night you still end up guessing.

just like you always do.

how do you sleep at night?

you dont. you write until you find the right answers for yourself. you write until you figure out the answer to that lingering question

at the back of your head, hoping, that right when you lie down on that bed, you have at least a portion of what youre really looking for.

how do you sleep at night?

you dont. you pray and wait on the Great Provider that promises all the answers we will ever need - all the answers that are meant for us.

we dont find that out for ourselves because we never can and we never will until we give up and lay it down. we dont provide and make answers for ourselves because all we will ever get back for doing so are questions. i suggest you dont disappoint yourself if youre thinking of trying.

how do you sleep at night?"

i remember sharing something to a small group of friends about what it means to limit something and how much of yourself you dont help by doing so.

i remember Moses and how he questioned God about what He will achieve in his life. God questioned him 'who gave man his mouth? and who makes him deaf or mute?...gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I the Lord?

who gives us our ability to speak and think and act? who made the heavens and the earth? the stars? who controls the rain and the storms and, by word of mouth, create existence?

do not belittle God and what He can and will do for you. do not put him in a box and think that He cannot deliver you out of the situation youre in. the problem with us sometimes is that we dont know enough of God and how much of a God He really is. we dont choose to know him enough for him to reveal himself in the scenarios that we are in and the kind of God he will be in that present experience.

we dont let ourselves open up to him in vulnerability and surrender in such a way how walls were made to keep people out when all were doing is cornering ourselves in. we let our humanity take over thinking we can do it ourselves and thus block God from revealing the full extent of his glory and love and abounding grace.

choose Him. allow Him to do the work.

who's in control?

He will be the kind of God for you and that difficult situation you are in. A Friend in times of l pain; The Healer in times of sickness, The Savior in times of trouble; and The Provider in time of need. and He can be more than this. allow him to be that kind of God for you.

moses saw but a glimpse of the back of the glory of God (and that's with God'shand covering him) passing through while they talked and going down the mountain, he became radiant because of it.that is the kind of God you and i have. the kind of God we should allow to work in our lives.

how do i sleep at night?

i reflected on this a bit more on my back home becaus this applies to us as people as well.

we will never go beyond a certain point we set for ourselves until we let our feet take a step beyond it.

dont open up to a friend and you will find none.

dont make your heart available for love and it will get none.

dont share your pain to another and comfort you will find none.

of course, this is only the human element i am talking about.

dont take chances, dont ask, dont make a move and dont expect anything to happen.

Discover the answers for yourself.

if you only knew how much is waiting for you, you'd regret not welcoming it earlier.

if youre not ready then ask yourself why and see if youre right or not.

how do you sleep at night?

#6 and #7

"...you have done bad things. but i will forgive them. for you are my son. and i am your father. and you will come back home to be my son again.." - solomon vandy, blood diamond.

simply put, it just means God loves you. God loves me. and he died on the cross to show me that love. it was like the diamond stained with his blood. a precious stone, marked by the Saviors blood to be a reminder that he spilled his blood for something so pricelessly rare, our salvation.
and even though we turn our backs, we forget and sin and do these bad things, he will always forgive and love us in a way we would never understand. thats why He alone is God.

not choosing to go back, however, is a completely different thing.
to choose it would be a regrattable waste of his sacrifice.
its not a life worth anything.

dont find out how much its not a good idea.

---#7---

its funny how films speak a strong message and evoke powerful insights when ideally, its just supposed to be something people pay for to watch as their leisure.
its not funny, however, when people watch it and disregard all moral insight intended for them.

philantropic.

i like how the movie turned out to be philantrophic.
it was wonderfully made to be such and, in the end, proved that the good, or efforts towards it, really does make the world a better place. films should be like that. more films should be made in such a way, actually. it puts a lot of sense and purpose into making one.

writers should be philantrophic.

actually, i think being philantrophic is not just some idea of a person we sometimes try to be, but more of a behavior. you dont rationalize about it, worse, argue on it. it is not for prestige or reputation but the intention of this behavior - say charity. sometimes we think we are already too kind with the money we so try so hard to negotiate with ourselves to donate. but without the sincerity, without the heart, the will, some say even, it is nothing.

try to be sincerely good and then you would see.

try otherwise then theres really nothing to see at all.

#5

What if?
...princess diana didnt die?
...the world trade center wasnt smashed by airplanes?
...the madcow disease and SARS didnt kill so much people?
...the indonesian tsunami didnt follow all the suffering?
...the hunger, poverty and death in Africa didnt cause many to lose their lives?
...the typhoons in the Philippines didnt wreck the land and destroy so much homes?

what if the world didnt move the way it did for these things to happen?
what if you werent there?

#4

i wish things were different:
that time was slower,
and that we were stronger;
that there were less mistakes,
and that there was less at stake.

i wish i was different:
that i had more courage,
more decency and more dignity;
that i had taken an extra step,
had more patience and had more to give.

i wish that circumstance couldve been different:
that you stayed here, instead of there,
that people couldve helped instead of destroy,
that in the last 3 years, things couldve been fair.

and i wish you were different:
that you opened and gave yourself more,
and spoken,
that you took a risk, a chance and loved.

i wish you were different:
that you cared instead of silenced,
and that you have given instead of taken.

i wish you were different:
that you couldve just said yes
instead of no.

the difference couldve been everything that
i would not have wished for.

#3

is it really christmas when you give gifts and exchange smiles and greetings?
or is it more felt when, just upon the thought of giving, its already there?
when does it really begin? start? experienced?
in fact, is it really experienced? given? received?
what is it exactly since the very reason of christmas started when we received God's grace?
do we even think of God when we celebrate Christmas?
or do we forget what it is really all about?
is it really merry?
is it really Christmas?
or did it just suddenly get cold?

#2

Things you learn in Comm class 111.

Hatest movies ever and why:
1. dude where's my car? - who cares?
2. The stupids - its just stupid
3. Jackass the movie - stupid people who do stupid things for stupid reasons
4. kris aquino and eric quizons movie - so bad that i forgot the title
5. Bobo Cops - bobo talaga
6. Petrang Kabayo - freakishly creepy and scary horse
7. Rambo - who ever understood what he said the whole time? can you?
8. Cake - just taste it and throw it away
9. Before sunset - they were talking and walking the whole time and until the very end, they were still talking.
10. The Supermouse movie - I wouldnt even recomment it to my enemy
11. Shake, Rattle and Roll - Shake it and rattle it then let it roll away.
12. First day High - what the heck?
13. The Forgotten - just forget it
(to be continued)

#1

i had a pretty healthy chat with maita. i miss her, really, and the very few lengthy conversations ive had with her. theyre very rare occasions. some which i may not be able to experience again as time permits so many limitations.

direction, i think, is very important. its our very guiding arrow in life.without it, we'd be lost and eventually would be prolonging our current state of being by 'trodding along unnecessary activities.'and its really true. we cant say that 'hey i want to try this and that just for the heck of it' or 'hey lets do this. walalang'. thats stupid. rather, try things to learn. to be wiser. to know if were fit or not for what we want to happen in our lives. in fact, it helps us to settle where we should really be and not where we think we could be or where others think we could be better off in.its not very healthy to be somewhere youre not supposed to be.sometimes its corrputing or worse, sometimes its showbiz.

maita: it may appear na m getting old
maita: but i just want to get wiser
maita: yes
maita: and i dont mind at all

do we grow old in dealing with this? would we appear to be that kind of an adult?yes.
and guess what, its inescapable. its what we should be doing in fact. we cant run around in our little circles and squares avoiding the inevitable because time wont wait for us to get where we should be.

"you can ask yourself from time to time kung ano yung parati mong binabalik-balikan. yung tipong you're doing something but there's one thing/activity that you can never let go of. yung tipong pag ginagawa mo yun feeling mo sobrang buhay na buhay ka. if you can answer that, then THAT'S WHAT YOU SHOULD GO FOR"
"kumain. it really...hits the spot. you know what i mean"