untitled

08132010

2010-08-12T12:12:00.000-07:00

tonight was a night of..well..i wouldnt know how to describe it.

mysterious? eventful? enlightening? yet at the end of the night you still end up guessing.

just like you always do.

how do you sleep at night?

you dont. you write until you find the right answers for yourself. you write until you figure out the answer to that lingering question

at the back of your head, hoping, that right when you lie down on that bed, you have at least a portion of what youre really looking for.

how do you sleep at night?

you dont. you pray and wait on the Great Provider that promises all the answers we will ever need - all the answers that are meant for us.

we dont find that out for ourselves because we never can and we never will until we give up and lay it down. we dont provide and make answers for ourselves because all we will ever get back for doing so are questions. i suggest you dont disappoint yourself if youre thinking of trying.

how do you sleep at night?"

i remember sharing something to a small group of friends about what it means to limit something and how much of yourself you dont help by doing so.

i remember Moses and how he questioned God about what He will achieve in his life. God questioned him 'who gave man his mouth? and who makes him deaf or mute?...gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I the Lord?

who gives us our ability to speak and think and act? who made the heavens and the earth? the stars? who controls the rain and the storms and, by word of mouth, create existence?

do not belittle God and what He can and will do for you. do not put him in a box and think that He cannot deliver you out of the situation youre in. the problem with us sometimes is that we dont know enough of God and how much of a God He really is. we dont choose to know him enough for him to reveal himself in the scenarios that we are in and the kind of God he will be in that present experience.

we dont let ourselves open up to him in vulnerability and surrender in such a way how walls were made to keep people out when all were doing is cornering ourselves in. we let our humanity take over thinking we can do it ourselves and thus block God from revealing the full extent of his glory and love and abounding grace.

choose Him. allow Him to do the work.

who's in control?

He will be the kind of God for you and that difficult situation you are in. A Friend in times of l pain; The Healer in times of sickness, The Savior in times of trouble; and The Provider in time of need. and He can be more than this. allow him to be that kind of God for you.

moses saw but a glimpse of the back of the glory of God (and that's with God'shand covering him) passing through while they talked and going down the mountain, he became radiant because of it.that is the kind of God you and i have. the kind of God we should allow to work in our lives.

how do i sleep at night?

i reflected on this a bit more on my back home becaus this applies to us as people as well.

we will never go beyond a certain point we set for ourselves until we let our feet take a step beyond it.

dont open up to a friend and you will find none.

dont make your heart available for love and it will get none.

dont share your pain to another and comfort you will find none.

of course, this is only the human element i am talking about.

dont take chances, dont ask, dont make a move and dont expect anything to happen.

Discover the answers for yourself.

if you only knew how much is waiting for you, you'd regret not welcoming it earlier.

if youre not ready then ask yourself why and see if youre right or not.

how do you sleep at night?

#6 and #7

2007-04-14T09:48:00.000-07:00

"...you have done bad things. but i will forgive them. for you are my son. and i am your father. and you will come back home to be my son again.." - solomon vandy, blood diamond.

simply put, it just means God loves you. God loves me. and he died on the cross to show me that love. it was like the diamond stained with his blood. a precious stone, marked by the Saviors blood to be a reminder that he spilled his blood for something so pricelessly rare, our salvation.
and even though we turn our backs, we forget and sin and do these bad things, he will always forgive and love us in a way we would never understand. thats why He alone is God.

not choosing to go back, however, is a completely different thing.
to choose it would be a regrattable waste of his sacrifice.
its not a life worth anything.

dont find out how much its not a good idea.

---#7---

its funny how films speak a strong message and evoke powerful insights when ideally, its just supposed to be something people pay for to watch as their leisure.
its not funny, however, when people watch it and disregard all moral insight intended for them.

philantropic.

i like how the movie turned out to be philantrophic.
it was wonderfully made to be such and, in the end, proved that the good, or efforts towards it, really does make the world a better place. films should be like that. more films should be made in such a way, actually. it puts a lot of sense and purpose into making one.

writers should be philantrophic.

actually, i think being philantrophic is not just some idea of a person we sometimes try to be, but more of a behavior. you dont rationalize about it, worse, argue on it. it is not for prestige or reputation but the intention of this behavior - say charity. sometimes we think we are already too kind with the money we so try so hard to negotiate with ourselves to donate. but without the sincerity, without the heart, the will, some say even, it is nothing.

try to be sincerely good and then you would see.

try otherwise then theres really nothing to see at all.

#5

2007-03-01T08:06:00.000-08:00

What if?
...princess diana didnt die?
...the world trade center wasnt smashed by airplanes?
...the madcow disease and SARS didnt kill so much people?
...the indonesian tsunami didnt follow all the suffering?
...the hunger, poverty and death in Africa didnt cause many to lose their lives?
...the typhoons in the Philippines didnt wreck the land and destroy so much homes?

what if the world didnt move the way it did for these things to happen?
what if you werent there?

#4

2007-02-22T07:41:00.000-08:00

i wish things were different:
that time was slower,
and that we were stronger;
that there were less mistakes,
and that there was less at stake.

i wish i was different:
that i had more courage,
more decency and more dignity;
that i had taken an extra step,
had more patience and had more to give.

i wish that circumstance couldve been different:
that you stayed here, instead of there,
that people couldve helped instead of destroy,
that in the last 3 years, things couldve been fair.

and i wish you were different:
that you opened and gave yourself more,
and spoken,
that you took a risk, a chance and loved.

i wish you were different:
that you cared instead of silenced,
and that you have given instead of taken.

i wish you were different:
that you couldve just said yes
instead of no.

the difference couldve been everything that
i would not have wished for.

#3

2006-12-24T10:09:00.000-08:00

is it really christmas when you give gifts and exchange smiles and greetings?
or is it more felt when, just upon the thought of giving, its already there?
when does it really begin? start? experienced?
in fact, is it really experienced? given? received?
what is it exactly since the very reason of christmas started when we received God's grace?
do we even think of God when we celebrate Christmas?
or do we forget what it is really all about?
is it really merry?
is it really Christmas?
or did it just suddenly get cold?

#2

2006-11-21T09:24:00.000-08:00

Things you learn in Comm class 111.

Hatest movies ever and why:
1. dude where's my car? - who cares?
2. The stupids - its just stupid
3. Jackass the movie - stupid people who do stupid things for stupid reasons
4. kris aquino and eric quizons movie - so bad that i forgot the title
5. Bobo Cops - bobo talaga
6. Petrang Kabayo - freakishly creepy and scary horse
7. Rambo - who ever understood what he said the whole time? can you?
8. Cake - just taste it and throw it away
9. Before sunset - they were talking and walking the whole time and until the very end, they were still talking.
10. The Supermouse movie - I wouldnt even recomment it to my enemy
11. Shake, Rattle and Roll - Shake it and rattle it then let it roll away.
12. First day High - what the heck?
13. The Forgotten - just forget it
(to be continued)

#1

2006-11-19T06:36:00.000-08:00

i had a pretty healthy chat with maita. i miss her, really, and the very few lengthy conversations ive had with her. theyre very rare occasions. some which i may not be able to experience again as time permits so many limitations.

direction, i think, is very important. its our very guiding arrow in life.without it, we'd be lost and eventually would be prolonging our current state of being by 'trodding along unnecessary activities.'and its really true. we cant say that 'hey i want to try this and that just for the heck of it' or 'hey lets do this. walalang'. thats stupid. rather, try things to learn. to be wiser. to know if were fit or not for what we want to happen in our lives. in fact, it helps us to settle where we should really be and not where we think we could be or where others think we could be better off in.its not very healthy to be somewhere youre not supposed to be.sometimes its corrputing or worse, sometimes its showbiz.

maita: it may appear na m getting old
maita: but i just want to get wiser
maita: yes
maita: and i dont mind at all

do we grow old in dealing with this? would we appear to be that kind of an adult?yes.
and guess what, its inescapable. its what we should be doing in fact. we cant run around in our little circles and squares avoiding the inevitable because time wont wait for us to get where we should be.

"you can ask yourself from time to time kung ano yung parati mong binabalik-balikan. yung tipong you're doing something but there's one thing/activity that you can never let go of. yung tipong pag ginagawa mo yun feeling mo sobrang buhay na buhay ka. if you can answer that, then THAT'S WHAT YOU SHOULD GO FOR"
"kumain. it really...hits the spot. you know what i mean"

on life

2006-11-01T10:15:00.000-08:00

all saints day isnt just about the family. its not entirely about remembering, and sometimes even getting to know, your lolo's and lola's who passed away, its not about seeing all your relatives again, its not just about spending time with your family and its not just about building the biggest mold of candle wax from melted candles.

sometimes its about parading in your most fashionable clothes.
sometimes its just about feeling the polluted air and squeezing into the crowded streets.
sometimes its a contest of the brightest nephew or son or daughter or cousin.
sometimes its even a dispute over the november 1 market of consumers.
sometimes its just plainly being with your friends spotting the most attractive girl.

it could be all this and more, but the one insight that came to me was an insight on time. As i was observing the classic filipino tradition of november one, i did not see the pinoy's side of remembering their ancestors, but rather where i was a few years back and how time moved on since then. the lolo's and the lola's that i am now visisting and remembering the lives of (some partly some even less) were alive back then and presently, it just made me think that decades from now, i would probably be here also, at the exact same place, 6 feet under.

(to be continued)

Little Lulu

2006-07-30T11:55:00.000-07:00

Lulu is her name. She was given to me by a good friend and i guess she symbolizes what i should be doing - enjoying life in the most benevolent way. In her case, its doing what she loves the most -singing and dancing - and at the same, doing all she needs to do to live and continue to on living. Sometimes, even, she reminds me of where i should be, when and, most especially, why. Which career. What profession. The right one.
All different thoughts brought about by a plastic hawaiian doll swaying left to right on the dashboard.

Another start

2006-07-30T11:35:00.000-07:00

Recently, there were several ,and rather unexpected events, that made life seem like a perpetual gray. It wasnt good anymore nor was it also bad; but, in fact, it was actually worse. And if you have the slightest idea of how that is, then you pretty much know what happens during this time. It's not hopeless, though. I believe nothing is and this is a claim i would always carry in learning to believe in other things - in living even. I guess, seeing it in this light, makes it so much easier to continue on. Darkness is just not the absence of light, but it is looking for it. And hope, i believe, is that light.

CP Garcia sunset

2006-07-08T07:32:00.000-07:00

C.P Garcia Sunset
If there are things that i like about going to school, this would be the most literal one - Really going there; driving there.. The trip from visayas ave to ateneo takes about 12 min. 10 without traffic and 8 if im really late (still no traffic). On the way home, though, is a different story. The trip would last about 20minutes caused by a mild build up of cars in CP Garcia.

What happens is you make a U-Turn, turn to CP Garcia, be slowed down by cars and then be welcomed by the afternoon sun overlooking the horizon. If you ask me, its almost the perfect way to end your day. The trip isnt even a problem at all considering distance and duration. In fact, its almost the perfect ride. You spend just enough time to think about your day ahead in the morning and enough time to cool down and reflect on the day that just passed in the afternoon.

I must admit, though, that this is not the most beautiful one on the horizon of C.P. Garcia. I was literally driving while taking this shot. Fortunately, there wasnt any traffic.

Conceptual analysis

2006-06-28T06:43:00.000-07:00

Photo by Jordan Bautista.

So we had philo again today and I must say im liking it - liking it, starting to like it, will like it.whatever is applicable. if theres anything that i would not like about it, it would be the schedule.just that.

The not 'just-that' part, though, was about what we discussed today - conceptual analysis. Metaphorically, its thinking too much about this girl you want to go after and eventually end up not doing anything at all.Its that Insight you get so attached to that everything else seem less important.yeah, that was it i think.

why the photo? because its me dumb, confused and ignorant.its me doing so much conceptual analysis. its me ending up with the right answer at the wrong time almost all the time.

just wait and see.

White clouds over orange shirts.

2006-06-22T07:28:00.000-07:00

Another wonder of nature that i enjoy taking a shot of are clouds - clouds in the setting sun, in the clear blue sky and even in the silent moonlight. This one, in particular, was taken a few months back in Bilibid prison, Muntinlupa.

It was a beautiful day then. We were going 40 on a dirt road shaded by trees on each sides where glimpses of sunlight pass through. The wind blew gently and the clouds settled like waves of cotton sheets.

It was funny, really, to see something extravagant over a prison. Honestly and personally, prison scenes, imagined or unimagined, fiction or not, never quite made it, even, as something normal. Yes we have crime, justice for crime and even the criminals; but seeing the prison right there in front of me was something absolutely new considering my knowledge of its existence.

It was, also, ironic. The prison itself was seemingly something else. The same could be said with the prisoners and the same could be impressed upon the atmosphere there. Criminals were not caged in cells, culture is encouraged and remorse is prevalent. It was completely contrary to everything you could possibly imagine in a prison.

So it was, it was and it was.

But if you ask me, it was really all about the clouds.Some may say God still has grace for them, some may say its a natural phenomena, some may even say that it was just there, but i would say that i had to stop my car, take that shot and think that theres beauty in everything. even in prison.

Banana champorado

2006-06-13T08:16:00.001-07:00

Ever heard of banana pancakes? if you have then good for you. But something you havent heard of, i assume, is banana champorado. in fact, thats not just it; its: banana, champorado, pringles and a hot cup of cappucino (dont mind if i spelled that right. if you do, then try not to - its hard, i know)

Yes, the craziest breakfast meal someone could think of. I didnt know what i wanted to eat this morning actually. The moment i walked down the stairs, i saw some bananas and decided that thats what i would be eating for breakfast. Next thing i knew, when i was halfway through with my banana, i was already starting on the champorado that was on the table. Almost simultaneously, i was already pouring hot water and cappucino into a cup.

So there. just some thoughts to on how to start your day and make those golf shots work - mine did - and on how to spend some good quality time with your most favorite seat in the world.

A lost hero with living followers.

2006-06-13T08:16:00.000-07:00

This was taken a few months back. We went to this Rizalista community - the only one in the known Philippine community i think - in Batangas and i had to take shots. Again, this is one of them.

We were observing the culture of the community. From the moment we stepped onto the boats that transported us there to the time we left, there was only one thing that could be said about these Rizalistas - determined. Who wouldve believed that such a religion exists? a religion that worships a fallen hero who is believed to have descended from divine ancestral roots? The next question that could probably be asked would be why or how, but still, it all boils down to just plain 'What?!"

How else are they determined? Rizal shrines? A Rizal temple? Rizal dedicated worship and beliefs? regulations even? In fact, while we were entering their temple, our lady friends werent allowed to go in. First of all because they werent wearing "proper filipino-spanish clothing" and next was probably because of their femininity.

It's strange, really, if you think about it. All this time, such a cause exists and is still pretty much determined to keep on living amidst a repugnant belief - people even. I guess, for some, it says a lot about these Rizalistas.

2006-06-11T09:44:00.000-07:00

Photo by me.
I like sunsets. I like taking shots of the sun setting over distant horizons in different places.
Its beautiful. There's no other word for it. Nevertheless, my affinity for photography is not measured in the words i speak and definitely not in the thoughts that i write.
In this case, capturing the sun setting over the horizon is nothing short of spectacular.

Looking through the lens

2006-06-10T11:02:00.000-07:00

Photo by Sheila Juan
She's good actually. She has talent. Si Sheila.
If you need a photographer, get her.
If you dont, though, then there's always me.

They say I have the 'eye' - that natural skill to look for that perfect shot. Once i get hold of a camera, i just point it where i see a picture and click. After that, it's beauty in a nutshell. Personally, this is because photography is art. And all art is beautiful. And all that is beautiful is God's. Having said that, I think the world is still round and the sky blue.

But really, i enjoy photography. Its one of the greatest ways to appreciate beauty and give meaning to the art. Although some may look at it poorly, i look at it as something more. Its an escapist yet fulfilling way of expression. At one end, its expensive, but at the other, its inexplicably great.

Work

2006-05-31T21:28:00.000-07:00

im actually working right now. On the side, im currently working on a presentation for my mom. Thing is, i cant find urge to start. maybe after this, i will probably start. all ive done, so far, is download what i need to work on.

ive always wanted to work for my own keep - work for better grades, work for improvement, work for money and work so that i wouldnt work too hard in the end when the time comes. Thing is, i want to work on my own time. selfish as it sounds, but true all the same. I would want to work where convenience is on my side and where everything opoosite is on the other. hehe..san kaya yon?

Think real they say. Doesnt mean i cant think of anything else right? Power. Riches. Love. Everything else. Says a lot about me really.

so what do i want to be? i dont know. i really dont.
If ever i thought i knew before, i dont as of now.

It's ironic ,really, because im being bred to be a person that's able to do many things - How to count, how to count some more, how to analyze what your counting, and how to analyze the analysis of what you just counted.
All i know is, my would-be career is inexplicably paradoxical.
If ever i graduate.

Whats been happening?

2006-05-22T08:02:00.000-07:00

A lot. Summer's almost ending and i realized that it went by too fast again. And it goes by too fast, too many times. Ive also had math too many times. In fact, too much math too many times. And it's just not me. Not me at all. If math is 1-10, id be a an "A". or a "J". or some other random letter thats placed where its not supposed to be. Nonetheless, i learn from it and strive, with every effort, to, at the very least, pass.

Ive a new car too. Dad bought a new one and i now have his old one and no one gets my car in the family. Apparently, my car is the one you pass on to the "next generation". Since there is no one else next to me, no one gets it and were just going to sell it instead.

I do , though, want a new phone. And a new camera. And a new iPod. Probably even a new car. New shoes. New clothes. New laptop. New things. It doesnt hurt to want new things. Its actually better to start new.

New friends. New life. New loves. New things to learn.
Im actually glad i met this new person. She's nice. So far at least. Let's see.

Bittersweet

2006-04-06T09:40:00.000-07:00

I found myself thinking about this word all through out the day. Bittersweet.
Just what is bittersweet?
Can something be bitter and sweet at the same time that it's called bittersweet?
Is it more bitter than it is sweet or sweeter that it is bitter if its bittersweet?

Either way, it altogether means one thing in the end: bittersweet. Literally.
Bittersweet when it tastes bitter at first and sweet in the end; or
Bittersweet when it tastes sweet at first and bitter in the end.
Bittersweet because you gained and you lost; and
Bittersweet because you passed but you failed.

One thing's for sure though, it's nowhere near good to have something bittersweet. In fact, it's not good at all. Its either bitter or sweet. Black or white. Good or bad. They're never supposed to be together. Just like some people. In reality,it's just like passing math, but failing your average.
It's just like that. It's one over the another.

Over-analyze this and that

2006-04-05T09:23:00.000-07:00

Who has watched analyze this and analyze that? If you havent, then you should. It's funny. At least i like it.Although not everything i like is something i would normally recommend. Normally. Take note of the word. Normally. It sounds so abnormal already.

So why the title? One, because my titles suck and that i needed to copy from another; Two, because what i will be talking about is overanalyzing; and Three, because of some reason i cant think of. Got you reading though huh?

Overanalyzing starts with a girl. They always do. Girls always make you analyze things and this one in particular would make you overanalyze.Thing is, and i only understood this just now, overanalyzing is wrong. A friend told me that.

Dont repress yourself.

Absence.

2006-03-28T08:48:00.000-08:00

Do you know that period in your life where something is just not there?

It's like a perfectly free summer day - there's nothing to do yet, there's nothing to finish, nothing to work on, nothing to even think about (and by this i mean mathematically) and theres just nothing to be worried about - but, you cant find anything to do.

It's like eating halfway through a supposed chocolate filled biscuit. You finish half of it because, upon your bite-that-would-reach-the-halfway-mark bite, you realize that the very essence of the biscuit, the chocolate, just isnt there.

It's also like studying for math. YOU KNOW THAT YOU JUST HAVE TO, but you cant. In fact, you almost actually study, but you are not motivated in continuing to do so after the first five minutes.

It can also be compared to irony of love. You know its there, yet it feels otherwise. The absence of the truth and the very essence of love disappears and all you have left are the words and actions that you thought you showed - or at least what you know to have had.

And lastly, it is also like words. Words are just letters strung together to form a collaboration of different sounds and pronounciations.
There are no meaning born with words, you attach it to them.

On the contrary, though, there would be meanings, but there would be no words.

Only One Last thing to Do

2006-03-23T07:44:00.000-08:00

When words become dust that the wind blows away,

and when spoken admirations are all but superficial confessions,

there is but one last thing to do.

There are no more words to be spoken,
too much have already been said.

If the greatest mystery is the silence that sleeps,

and if the largest secret becomes the consuming fire,

there is but one last thing to do.

It was wrong to have even kept it hence,

too much have already been lost.

When actions become routines of passion,

and if hands and feet are all but waves blown by the sea,

there is but one last thing to do.

However, in the end, you only think that there is but one last thing to do.

Just thinking.

The last thing to do, is not doing anything at all.

Unspoken Attraction

2006-03-16T05:40:00.000-08:00

Well I have it.

Specifically, i have it towards this girl and

Personally, i think she's just simply lovely.

However,

Honestly, it's been very hard,

obviously, to keep it all inside.

In fact,

Naturally, it should not be like this but,

Ironically, it feels otherwise.

Nonetheless,

Ideally, it feels good.

Actually, it's all just about...

painting words

2006-03-09T05:46:00.000-08:00

So what will i write? art. Personally, art is something i consider to be anything creative made out of sheer unconscious talent. If anyone has the slightest inclination to disagree with that, then that anyone is, apparently, someone different.

These words are art. They do not discuss, or dictate, narrate, define or, the worst use for words, compute. In fact, i think words are put to waste when they form a sentence that presents you a problem where you are supposed to put some numbers together and do something about them.

Math, obviously, was a bad idea, wrong even, conceived by very, very bored people. All they do is sharpen their pencils to even sharper ones and grow their beards into long strands of dying old hair.

Paint your words. They're beautiful in the end.

This is how it was.

2006-03-03T07:17:00.000-08:00

This is how it was when we spoke to each other,

when we talked and laughed and graced each other with smiles..

This is how it was when we walked with each other,

when we held hands and together gazed at the stars..

This is how it was when we looked into each others eyes,

when our sadness turned to joy and our pain into rest..

This is how it was when we loved.

This is how it was on that day.

This is how it was still.

This is how it was in my dream.

At least for me.

It was never in her to share it with me.

Memoirs of a rainman

2006-02-06T07:21:00.000-08:00

I never thought that..

the rain could affect your life that much.

but it does.
tiny droplets of water to heavy rain seem to take so much away,
but it also brings so much together.
So much that the next thing you know is that youre walking side by side with a dream,
with an umbrella, hand in hand with a wish that just came true.

The droplets fall and the rain pour and the world around you quiets and listens. It listens to the sound of hope and waits for the stillness of the noise.

Surprisingly, you even find yourself listening as well, hoping for the sun to shine.

And then, just when the time is right, you find someone to dance with in the rain.

everything else just stops.

except the raindrops.
except the rain.

10 things other things say about me.

2006-01-10T05:42:00.000-08:00

Lists like these are very entertaining to make. One, because it entertains you, obviously; two, because you get to find out more about yourself through spontaneous writing and three because, at the very least, there are numbers, and they're just numbers - there's numbers but theres no math. So:

1. My parents say im me. and so do my friends, my family and our dog that recognizes my scent.

2. psych says im a skitzo, english says i have bad handwriting, lit says i make sense and SA says im unique.

3. In fact, Liberal Arts subjects strongly declare that i am, indeed, for the Liberal Arts.

4. Math says otherwise and that im dumb and hopeless.

5. Comm, though, says i have hope. I can feel it.

6. Although, for her, I have none.

7. On the other hand, photos and art say im creative - and that i have hope there.

8. Hoping too much, this time, is my writing which still tries to convince me that im funny.

9. Other people say im not. And this time, they're sure - not at all hoping.

10. The skitzo inside of me, which has the last word, says I could be anyone I want. That im me.

Evolution of Writing

2005-12-07T21:42:00.000-08:00

I just realized how my writing has evolved into something that has become what others say "unquestionably me', and what i say 'oh, really? i didn't notice'. In fact, if you read my previous entries, such as they are, you could just imagine how.

You know how ugly we all looked during that point in our adolescence years? (okay some of you might be proud not to admit it, but that would just mean that you tried hard enough - was that right?)

But okay, fine, maye you did not. But i did.

That was about grade school to middle school and a few years of high school. Not that i had so many years in high school. I didn't fail mind you. The first two years was the few years part.

Anyway, that stage was more or less the ugly stage and that stage was the stage in the earlier parts of this blog. And yes, they dont look good. Its a good thing though, because with that, I

learned write better. And i think I did. At least that's what my English teachers thought. I wouldn't know actually. I would have to ask my readers.

So, can you call this better? I dont think so.

Friendster (part 3)

2005-12-06T05:58:00.000-08:00

So you have this friendster account to tell everyone, first of all, who you are. Next to that and seemingly as important as your identity, you have your friendster testimonials to show people how nice you are and how people are honestly testifying about it.

Then you have the pictures.

And then you have the Friendster blog.

Whats the point? The point is in Friendster blog itself - friendster blog. Just imagine how fascinating and awe-inspiring it is. Friendster blog. Wow. You have your friendster account (and that alone makes you so much of a complete person already) even your pictures (which makes you even more of a complete person after having a friendster account) and now you have your friendster blog (the quintessential form of being in Friendster). If you had a friendster blog and actually had things written there about your day, you were like Mr Friendster. And thats almost next to being "your real self" already.

With the blog saying almost everything about you and what you did for the day(and you can tell how they do by the way, if you read them. "today was very boring" - right, anything else?), you were pretty much famous. While you make all those entries in your friendster blog, you also tell everyone, in their mails, via friendster service, that you actually made one. I mean..wow..how profound. How informing!

Theres just so much benefits in friendster. And i can be openly sarcastic about them here.

So, get your friendster now! you can blog there too.

Friendster (part II)

2005-12-02T07:56:00.000-08:00

So what else is there about friendster besides writing how nice people are? The pictures.
Just like those well posed artist pictures, everyone in friendster, the way i see it, should have a picture that would captitave your attention right there and then - for example, a zoomed-in graphic display of your eye, your dog, your nose or even your lovely picture as a couple.

These pictures should all display where your life is right now - interestingly, for some, it is a cartoon character, a symbol, colors with lines colliding into each other, an anime character. I also saw someone put up his cartoon definition of a couch to show everyone thats how he looks like.

There was also a foot.

Bottomline is, these picture show what you look like. And i'd like to know how that couch person looks like in person. Says a lot about him huh. And the foot too. And i think i also saw a building.

Friendster.

2005-12-02T06:49:00.000-08:00

Finally, i found something to write about.

Friendster.

Okay, i admit, i was, for awhile, hooked with doing friendster. I subscribed (is that the right verb- do you subscribe to friendster? see what i mean, you dont even know what youre doing with it) to friendster about October 2003.

It was a fad then. You were "In" if you had a friendster account and even cooler if you had fancy testimonials written in your Friendster page saying "this person is really nice" - which could only mean "hey write me a testimonial saying im nice too". AND THEN, you'd tell that person he/she is nice and, in a way, you'd both be nice and eventually everyone in friendster would simply be "nice".

Nice.

Cool enough? No.

You were cooler if you had a "friendster" that had a picture of your artist flavor of the month who, oddly, has several other accounts which have the same pictures of themselves all over the friendster world. Apparently, these artists are still not tired of their already used up faces and/or must just be bored.

skitzo

2005-11-24T05:41:00.000-08:00

Psychology says im a skitzo.
We were "tasked" to draw a person on a piece of paper. That was the only instruction.

"Draw a person." he said.
So I did.

According to him, upon asking (and the whole class went silent when i asked), 100/1000 who drew stick figures of people on their pieces of paper - were skitzo's - exactly what I have drawn also.
No clothing, detail and anything else but 5 sticks and a circle drawn together in a way it would resemble a person.

Yes, the truth that i am indeed special has been revealed.

Ive had thoughts that i was, in my own unique way, "special" actually. There were times where I would go on a demented rampage and there were also times that I was normally sane and there were and are times that i would sound very redundant and be abnormally boring.

Sometimes, though, in between these "times", i would act perfectly normal.

Apparently, i cannot upload the picture of this stick-figured man.
Too bad for him.
All he is to humanity is a symbol for insanity and i cant even upload his picture.

Come to think of it, i act normally with people. I converse, socialize, eat, play, sing, create art, sleep, watch tv, be lazy, type stupid blogs with aspirations of becoming a book among other things.

What makes me crazy?

A number of things that i want.

2005-11-23T05:11:00.001-08:00

Okay here is a list of things that i want. I dont know what made me venture into this train of thought where i would be thinking about things that i want. I want to have a lot of things i dont need and i tend to want some more. I want to want more.

Theyre just thoughts. Theyre just what i want.

So, I waaaaannnnt:

1. Good grades. Especially in the most horrendous and dreadful subject of All, Calculus.

2. Better grades - especially in the most horrendous and dreadful subject of All, Calculus (coz i know that my grades wont be good, so i want them to be better)

3. The most possible "good" grade that i could ever have in Calculus.

4. An infinite supply offffffffff......good food.

5. An infinite supply of reserve if my infinite supply of good food runs out.

6. A new car. Preferably a nice sports car.

7. A new phone - a better one

8. A new camera - also a better one. (so i can print and sell my pieces)

9. An infinite supply of acrylic and canvass. ( so can paint and sell them)

10. Definitely a new computer. The latest one. A computer that could accommodate all my technological needs. All of them. Yes, it has to be insanely fast.

11. A lot of money. Preferably in pounds..because..of..

12. Emma Watson so that..

13. I could visit her in London so we could talk and bond for a very long time so that..

14. she would like me and eventually fall for me.

15. Control.

16. the ability to fly and speak different languages and read other people's minds.

17. All these things to happen. Conceivable.

18. My idealist side of me to stop wanting things.

19. My want-ist side of me to stop being selfish.

20. There are a lot of hungry people in the wrold who needs my infinite supply of good food.

21. And my reserves.

22. Things that i can never have. Ever.

23. 2 more things.

24. 1 last thing.

25. i thought that i just had to reach this number when i was writing 21.

Emma Watson

2005-11-18T20:10:00.000-08:00

So is that really her name or just some pseudonym someone, or probably even her, made up? It doesnt really matter..well..at least it does'nt matter here. But it does actually..i mean, what is her real name if its not"Emma Watson" ?

So anyway, Emma Watson.

She's this adorably cute british/english girl who has this adorably cute british/english accent. Just what do you call them really, British or English?Just a thought.

She's also this great and famous and still adorably cute movie star in the film Harry Potter.

She's definitely attractive.

And I also like her character in the movie adaptation of the books.

Woah.

So, London? Anyone?

Thinking out loud.

2005-11-03T02:25:00.000-08:00

I think the world is running out of water.
I was taking a bath then.

I think the world ate enough chicken and there arent enough chicken wings, or thighs, or drumsticks.
This restaurant ran out of them upon ordering.

(you know how all those restaurants and fastfoods have chicken?exactly my point)

I think there are enough cars in the world.
i was stuck in traffic then.

I think there are just too many books and useless books almost everywhere.
i was reading my accounting book then.

I think and fear that we are running out of steak.
I was eating at a buffet then.

I think there are too many cockroaches everywhere. And rats. And mice. And flying cockroaches. And leeches. And worms. And maggots. And disgusting looking insects.
Then i hammered a cockroach.

I think that some people are not meant for some people.
..........

And then i thought..i was just thinking then.
Just thinking.

Driving.

2005-10-22T07:42:00.000-07:00

It doesnt make sense to keep on driving. You know what old people say when they get a little bit more older? "Ayaw na namin mag drive."

(Actually, its something like..
"Ayaw na namin mag drive..Ikaw nalang magdrive papuntang Quezon City.")

And here I am saying that im tired of driving already.

And im still driving.

Driving has its benefits.

It just gets tiring sometimes. And sometimes when you arrive at what you're driving at, you realize that it wasnt worth the trip after all.

Unimaginable things.

2005-10-13T06:15:00.000-07:00

When im bored, and that is most of the time, unless i find something to relish on, i think of crazy, unimaginable things to do. I just think, mind you. So i think..

(actually, come to think of it, these are very adventurous things to do..they might just be worth doing)

1: think of things to write in my blog. (yes, its a crazy thing)
2: instantaneously think of something else.
3: stand in the middle of a quiet, peaceful and an almost dull library and howl.

4: savagely run to and fro, in the library, messing things up, to not get caught after howling.

5: crash my car into another during a hi-speed drive. you know, how bump cars do it.

6: sit and eat for hours in a buffet till i realize that my food is all messed up in my mouth and on my plate. you know, how I normallay do it.

7: force myself into a crowded elevator and sing and dance in a amanner that would exalt William Hung.

8: sing and dance differently this time. you know, how I normally do it.

9: court this girl.

10: smack this girls suitor with my thick accounting book glued with my other thick eco book strapped to my two law books pasted to a pile of SA readings.

11: walk around smiling, after doing all this. particularly the last one.

FINALS.

2005-10-11T09:20:00.000-07:00

its been a month since i blogged. i realized how lazy i am in this particular area of my life, if blogging really does have a particular area in my life.

Well its finals week. Everythings becoming final. I, though, have a final word on this final week of school : substance.

Yes, substance.

"Substance over form" they say.

(though law states that form is still very much put into consideration)

I spoke to my lola just last night. In this "talk", she spoke of how much substance our lives, as children, should have. I thought of that too actually. Naisip kong sulitin ang buhay. Ask yourselves.. just how short is your life? And how shorter could it get with all the food we eat, the kind of oxygen we breathe and the quality of life that surrounds us?

Well, there...just some final thoughts on this finals week. Live your life to the fullest. There's no more philosophical/logical/theological explanation and/or reason behind it. Its simply that. Thats the most substantial phrase i could give.

life, such as it is, right now.

2005-09-12T07:38:00.000-07:00

now this is something i havent done in a long, long time.blogged.journalized even.most of the time, i would just express myself through a series of words that make up what some would call a poem and what i would call thoughts.but although i have these thoughts and these words to say, there are still more to say..there are always more to say..more to express, more to think about and more to do.sometimes, there just too much of a lot of things that you just find yourself ready to explode...to burst instantaneously letting out every last drop of content.

so just what are these?theyre quintessential, quixotical foolishness.

just what kind of person is this inside of me that pursues enlightenment?This side of me that thinks and analyzes and is most of the time purely emotional, when in fact I should be someone else?

there.

so there you have it.

quintessential quixotical foolishness. all in words. all in me.

Accounting Long Test # 3 among another.

2005-09-08T09:34:00.000-07:00

Just what is it really all about

when what you want fades away at the slightest glimpse of what should happen,

when you're down in the depths of regret, loss and uselessness,

when you're lost in your own dreaming?

Just what is it really all about,

to chase the wind and to count the stars?

Just what is it really all about,

to find out that you've done nothing at all?

Just what is it really all about,

to live by faith and not by sight?

Just what is it really all about,

Just what is it really all about?

A Game, a birthday and a wish.

2005-08-28T08:38:00.000-07:00

A Game, a birthday and a wish,
a reality, a truth and a dream;
A hand, a clock and time,
a day, a place and a rhyme.

A win, a blow and a kiss,
is all but a game, a birthday and a wish.

i never thought that...

2005-08-23T08:13:00.000-07:00

the rain could affect your life that much.

but it does.

tiny droplets of water to heavy rain seem to take so much away,

but it also brings so much together.

So much that the next thing you know is that youre walking side by side with a dream,

with an umbrella.

As the droplets fall and as the rain pour, the world around you quiets and listens. They listen to the sound of hope and wait for the stillness of the downpour.

You find yourself listening as well, surprisingly, even hoping for the sun to shine.

And then, just when the time is right, you find someone to dance with in the rain.

everything else just stops.

except the raindrops.

except the rain.

i cannot sleep

2005-08-19T08:07:00.000-07:00

honestly.really.really really.

i dont know why, but im so bothered tonight.i really am.im bothered to the point that im actually 'blogging' about it?diba?diba?yuck.ang mali.sobrang hindi ako.

hindi ako ganito.

but here i am.

ang labo.

ang labo na din ng mga mata ko.

so...im confused.not 'that-kind-of-confused' (to those who understand =) ) though. on one hand, im supposed to think this; and on the other, i am also inclined to think this...This.This that is so confusing. do i make sense?

exactly what im talking about.

mrsnufflelafaguss.multiply.com

2005-08-18T23:35:00.000-07:00

mrsnufflelafaguss.multiply.com

pictures.

mrsnufflelafaguss.multiply.com

and more..

mrsnufflelafaguss.multiply.com

i must be bored.

whats to blog about?

2005-08-18T08:05:00.000-07:00

qc day i guess.
no pasok.yes no pasok.

oh.and, since its the 19th of august, il have something else to blog about also.

10 days before my birthday.

i wonder why other people are celebrating their also in a few days.some, even, celebrate theirs exactly on the same day as i am.there are about three of us.

so.

progress. obviously, there's progress in my blog.yehey.more things to put in my blog.haha..i have multiply too.wow..progress.hahah.i also have mandee on my links area..haha..youre welcome for the book mandee.glad it helped you and enlightened you on..*ehem* - love.let God write your love story.it helps.

10 days..

9 days..

8 days..

7 days..

6 days..

something happens here i think..

5..days

4..days

3..days

2..days

1..day

what a worthless, senseless entry.

a thought

2005-08-16T07:57:00.000-07:00

she flutters and she smiles,

she greets with her beautiful eyes.

i wait, i act, i try,

or do i go and fly?

whats next?

2005-08-16T07:54:00.000-07:00

yes, whats next now thats everthings in place?
whats next now that everything that i need to know has been made known to me?
whats next now that im not moving anymore?
whats next now that ive been stagnant for a period of time?

The Oval

2005-08-12T08:03:00.000-07:00

is physically an oval. It is a place where you can run.

To Run.

To Run all your strength, Run all your doubts away,

Run all your thoughts and Run all your pain.

To Run all the goodness and hope, run all the blessings and joys

and then run some more.

To Run with your friends with the delight of their company

and run wih true friends to those who wont leave you behind.

To Run for friendship and Run for life.

To Run for the Run and nothing more.

i cannot study.

2005-08-12T06:41:00.000-07:00

i cant. i just cant. i cant go on reading law and law articles for a straigh hour or for a minimum 30 min. i just cant.

and supposed to read 200 pages.for tonight. i have to sudy over 150 articles in the tiresome law book of mr de leon, for a test tomorrow.

i cant.

why?i am bothered.

today has been one of THE most enlightening day ever. It occured to me that you just dont really know people and/or cant judge them right away. In fact, you must not.

Especially if it invovles people you are attracted to.

Dont ever.

You would just end up 'overanalyzing' things (mandee,the word.." and end up with your own, and most probably, wrong conclusions for some silly non-verbal message that you was sent to you.

But still, what if there are two sides to it..?

WHAT IF, youre being said something good and acted upon otherwise? what do you decide on?which is which?

to top it all of, what did i just say?

there. im that lost.

TO ALL THE PEOPLE INTERESTED

2005-08-11T07:15:00.000-07:00

so...you read my blog..you actually read my blog.i thank you for that.

i will thank you more, though, if you really leave your names when you comment.that way id know you.that way, we can talk about it?diba.the people who know my blog are people i know.if youre new, tell me.simple as that diba?

its an open invitation to friendship. =)

so, leave your names.
i find your comments amusing also because you dont get some of my thoughts and that you actually comment on it.

pero different wavelength.different background.

so..names.thanks.

August 10, 2005

2005-08-10T06:35:00.000-07:00

is the day i mark my defeat...

is also 19 days before i turn 19.funny.hmmm...

and is also the day to decide...

well, not really, i just put that there to add alliteration.

i havent blogged in awhile.dont even know why im doing this or why im actually still doing this.

well maybe its just that im confused today.

i am so confused today its just so confusing.

that word..that four letter word makes it all confusing.

thats why im defeated.im lost.i actually dont know what to do anymore.

ya, thats it.

19days till im 19.

and i am but lost.

on the month i turn 19

2005-07-31T08:50:00.000-07:00

okay.19.ive spent 19years of my life already and i feel its just starting now. they say life's supposed to start at high school, but then i start to think that i was an infant during high school - so difficultly young.

no really.

but maybe, its the fact that ive grown so much in college. now. For the past year and a half, ive learned and grew and realized so many things that i have needed to all this time and it only came now. thats why, this august i feel so old. old that ive learned a lot, grew, realized some things, pondered and contemplated on more and actually thought on the things i do and say.

and ive been especially thinking of this..umm..sensitive area of my life..that, well, invovles someone.

so there.
It is August.
and i am turning 19. im growing old.
and older.
and older.
and, hopefully, taller.
and after that..maybe, just maybe, i'll get lucky with this person.

there are..

2005-07-24T09:58:00.000-07:00

a lot of things to blog about..

friends..school..friends in school..friends in school who affect your life..friends in school who affect your life at home..and..well, you get the pic.

then there are emotions..thoughts..ideas..misfortunes and mishaps and regrets..
then there are also qualities..qualities you like in a girl..qualities you like FOR a girl..qualities you would want to have for this girl..

you can also blog about the government..people in the government..what the government is doing..what THEY think THEYRE doing..

and then theres this entire paramount area that encompasses everything just for the self.
to blog about the self.

perfect.this could be my foreword for my book.haha..
someday, when i run out of things to do, i would compile my entries and make it into a book.

brilliant.

angry

2005-07-22T08:48:00.000-07:00

i just did this really long entry..tas hindi siya napublish.kailangan mag refresh ng page then it wasnt there anymore.it just wasnt.

i am..

2005-07-21T06:43:00.000-07:00

bored. i never had a day like this for the past 2..3..weeks??8-10 days..somethings..amiss.really.i dont know why.

good thing theres this blog.come to think of it, what is a blog worth?what are a bunch of words on a monitor that are supposed to mean something? - see?did that even make sense?

sense. its very..sensefull..haha..senseness?..the words sense has a lot of sense.diba?do i make sense?brilliant.

i will talk about my day then.i first rode off with my mighty-tank-of a van. Casually driving at a fast rate not pummeling over anyone with the car's big wheels, i arrived just on time, perect with a parking space just for me in school.

then school happened along with all the things that happen in school.

then something else happened that i didnt think would happen.

and then now im bored because theres surprisingly nothing to do.no work.no accounting.no readings.
*sigh*...no accounting..*sigh*

On a group of people merrily walking through accounting.

2005-07-15T07:42:00.000-07:00

On my block rests a blocked group of people. It harbours the greatest sense of belonging.really.
Its great to actually belong to a group of people who you know would accept you for whatever and whoever you are..(moreover for whoever is your quasi-famous-tragically-similar-brother)

And, for me, its fulfilling to actually be here - to experience what we share, what he have, what we do, what we strive for and what we work for together.

Sure we have our mistakes, sure we have our superficial bliss, sure we have our lil 'egos' and lil selves, but that's whats fulfilling about it. Even though we are what we are, and we do what we do, and we laugh at we laugh at, for us, this is what its all about. And i enjoy this.

Its a "quasi" contentment, really, to have a group of friends like these.
I celebrate their existence. Our existence.
Onwards to accounting.

Country Country..

2005-07-14T06:40:00.000-07:00

(shuffles and deals to three people)

One..Two..Three...
"UNITED ARAB EMIRATESS!!!"

(gets the cards with a frown)

One..Two..Three..
"PAPUAA NEW GUINEEAA!!!"

(smiles and grins and laughs)

One..Two..Three..
"The LORDOFDARINGSDAFELOWSHIPOFDARING!!!!"

("cheater!!cheater!!")

One..Two..Three..
"EDWIN"
"JORDAN!!!"
"JILL!!!"

(pounds on the table..)

One..Two..Three..
"SABRINADATINAGEWICH!!!"

One..Two..Three..
"BUFYDAVAMPYRSLAYER!!!"

One..Two..Three
"THAT 70's SHOW!!!!"

One..Two..Three..
"BUFFYDATINAGEWITCH!!!!!"""

(laughs hard...still laughing..gets up the table and waves..)

..and is still laughing..
happy are those who understand. =)

The brain..

2005-07-13T06:45:00.000-07:00

9:48
Our brain is so complex. That means were smart.
Did you know that our brain can process upto thousands of bits in a sec?about 100,00+ even. THat means were smart.
9:48:20
Compare yourself to a computer..to how many process it makes in seconds. That means were faster.
9:48.30
Really, think about it..let your brain process all those thousands upon thousands of bits..into megabytes..think..about words..about units..about what youre seeing right now.
9:49.12
See?it works..you stimulate your brain..you exercise it, enhancing brain functions and thinking.
9:49.34
And i just processed.I just wrote.I thought and exercied my brain.and so did you.
9:50
galing noh?

Why?

2005-07-12T06:58:00.000-07:00

is everyone, all of a sudden, into blogging?
moreover, in Friendster.
"youve got 10 new mail messages" it says.
all of them saying, "Ive updated my friendster blog!!check it out".
or something like that.
maybe its a friendster thing.
its good though. were now being more expressive.
its good for the country too. GMA didnt have any problems in doing so.
The people even.ERAP even. An they didnt even have to blog in friendster to say what they had to say.
No one does.

The true marks of an Atenean.

2005-07-07T08:45:00.000-07:00

1. character.
2. wit.
3. intellect.
4. humor.
5. beauty.
6. The ACET.
7. Your first math11 midterms.
8. Your first math11 3rd long test.
9. Your first math11 finals.
10. Your first math19 test.
11. Your second math19 test.
12. Your first ma19 midterms.
13. Your 3rd and 4th ma19 calculus tests.
14. Your ma19 midterms.
15. Your ma19 finals.
16. Your first accounting quiz.
17. Your first accounting long test.
18. A pile of scratch paper and 10 ballpens, 10 more which you have lost.
19. 10+ papers.
20. 10+ reports.
21. 10+ presentations.
22. 10+ more hours of study everyday.
23. 10+ more conviction.
24. 10+ more determination.
25. have i mentioned these just happen in 3 sems?

......

2005-07-07T08:43:00.000-07:00

accounting IS the ULTIMATE UNNATURAL LAW of the universe.

this is not a claim. this is not a fact. this is not even truth.

accounting is just the ultimate unnatural law of the universe.
it just is.

there is nothing like..

2005-07-05T08:10:00.000-07:00

seeing your brother (tragically-quasi-ly-related-significantly-similarly-looking-renowned and famous-christian bautista) on tv doing drama.

he's supposed to be called lorenzo, a child mute, who, somehow, through some magical way, grew up to be this *ehem..ehem* handsome singer/some-handsome-dude-who-sings dude and falls in love with a girl named.

so anyway, i saw him, and it just made me laugh.

a decision.

2005-06-30T06:09:00.000-07:00

decisions are important.

what you decide on is what you let yourself happen to yourself. did you get that?i did.

so i reached this decision in life.important one.critical.life changing.colossal.
significant.

so this decision..its hard.it involved a lot of opportunity costs.it always does.one always has to face trade-off.

its like this.i face a very hard path in life..a fork even in the road.i thought if i go this way, i wudnt know the other path and the other road after that.i guess we all go through this-

right now actually i dont feel like talking about it..

its something like this:

i resolved that i will focus on whats happening now.i will wait.i will do what i have to do and accomplish it.i will not push on anything, but rather go with anything smoothly.

whatever it might be.

i will of course show interest. i always do.i always did.
but i wont push.i'll wait for it to come.eventually it will.

so..

2005-06-30T05:45:00.000-07:00

im here again.
so what.

ive been absent and my fans require my divided attention.haha

so just what have i been doing?what have i been actually doing?moreover, am i just doing or am i actually accomplishing what im doing?

well this week has been rather..different for me..complex.

yes, that tragic.

monday was great.it was a start.i know mondays are usually the more sober, dull days but now im inclined to disagree.i find myself looking forward to MWF.something happened.

accounting.

tuesday was show and tell day for comm and ofcourse the tragedy of math.

accounting

wednesday was yesterday and it was a continuation of what had started. again i was glad. sadly, though, this had to be ruined by the Quiz of all quizzes...nevertheless, i enjoyed this day and found myself, again, looking forward to friday. good things happen to those who wait.just wait.handle the wait.wait, its really hard to wait.

accounting.

thursday was what had happened today. by today, i mean the past energy-less hours that led to now. this, of course, included the tragedy of math. how terribly horrible.

i look forward to tomorrow.

may it be good.

may it last.

i just thought

2005-06-23T06:11:00.000-07:00

that this was funny.

i am obliged to take a break whenever i want to. wherby, whereas, whereof etc etc etc.
(article jordan)

its very interesting learning law, but not at all interesting trying to read it with interest.was that right?i dont think so.or is it?im not sure.

anyway.

so i have been reading this law book on obligations and i actually learn from it - well at least to the point that i think im learning.

but its more of being 'enlightened' on laws and obligations really(those that relate to me of course)

so there.
article jordan.
i just thought it was funny.it was my ym status kanina.

i learned...

2005-06-22T05:42:00.000-07:00

3 things today.
3 very importnat things.

number one.
i learned that accounting is stressful.that, actually, is an understatement even.if there's this word for that word that I dont know, which is the understatement for stressful, if ever there IS such a word, that would definitely be it.

number two.
always prepare for ANYTHING. In my case, this would have to be the rain. it WAS going pretty well during the morning, well not until the spurs lost anyway, and then it rained during the afternoon.

perfect timing as ever - it rained just after doing accounting too. symbolisms? i would have to agree. its a sign. actually, it was raining already while we were doing accounting.

it must have been a sign.

number three.
now this would have to stand out. why? because.
it goes something like this..i learned not to push things..well to NOT force something out of somebody - out of people.

okay fine, out of this personl.actually, im not even forcing.

let's ask then.

today was..

2005-06-20T08:30:00.000-07:00

something else. It was seemingly something else.

i was enlightened on a truth, illuminated by reality and was glared upon by the harsh reality of the truth. yes, it got pretty bright.

well, at least bright enough.

so just what was this blinding beam of destruction?
i can tell you it got very bright.well bright enough to transcend my eye limitations. ive bad eyes you know.

well, it hit my like a rock i guess.yes something like that.i didnt even see it coming. all of a sudden it slapped my left shoulder and casually presented itself - lets be friends for now.

more of a 'hi' actually, but still the implication.

a temporary implication.

wala

2005-06-16T07:16:00.000-07:00

may pagmamahal ka nga
ngunit nasaan ang sa kanya

may boses, gawa at salita ka nga
pero nakikita nga ba

naghintay-hintay ka pa ngunit mukang ubos na
may pasikat-sikat nga subalit para saan pa

may tuwat at sigla ka pa
may pag-ibig ba talaga o wala..

lets be..

2005-06-16T04:33:00.000-07:00

intellectual about this.or pyschological..or even philosophical.

first off, whats the point?okay, so youre given a space - this blog - space to write, space to express, space to share, to boast even or to be proud or to think otherwise that youre actually proud of something.

so you write.

you go on and so does your writing. you write some more and you notice that youre actually more than just a few sentences of nonsense and a few more sentences more than a paragraph.

and so i'm here and i've achieved nothing near to something senseless.

i miss someone i guess..horribly.

may patula-tula pa

2005-06-16T03:16:00.000-07:00

may patula-tula pa,

' di naman niya nabasa

baka pa matulala ka..

para san pa?

a moment

2005-06-15T03:37:00.000-07:00

droplets of rain echo the days events.
they quiet the soul and help me remember.

and then this moment reflected upon me.
a moment i would never forget, a glance i'd forever regret.

it was so attractive
so elegantly graced in style.

beauty, i said, was this
"hello.." as i walked with her and "goodbye" as she went.

on a shot at humor

2005-06-06T07:14:00.000-07:00

okay, first one was a mistake.
Hey eveyone makes mistakes. If everyone possess the ability to NOT make a mistake, then i would'nt be making this at all.

haha...okay that was my first shot at humor.it was supposed to be funny.well, at least aimed to make me smile at it...or others to smile at it or enjoy the joke.If ever there was a joke or something humorous about it.

2nd shot..that wasnt funny at all. Again.

okay, ive realized that im not good at this humor thing. If there was such a thing as an ice-breaker to brake the "ice", id be the ice-container-breaker.

Im sorry, did that make sense at all?i wonder.

on a shot at humor

2005-06-06T07:13:00.000-07:00

sadder it goes..

2005-06-06T06:59:00.000-07:00

sad
sadder
saddest.

yes, sadder it goes is how it is for this summer.well, whats left of it otherwise.really.

ive had summer class till the last week of may. after that, i had about 2 weeks of what they call 'whats-rest-of-your-summer-vacation vacation'. if you didnt get that, im sorry.well, i just made it up actually.

anyway. im still doing this.

This.

and im still actually doing this.
how sad.

more of me

2005-06-02T06:07:00.000-07:00

yes more of me. so far, ive been putting more of me into this..thing..this blog. ive realized that i have more posts now. a la lang.

im still bored i guess.

1 week before school's left..how fun.

a room of work

2005-05-31T06:03:00.000-07:00

i am in a room of work. all around me, there are workpiles everywhere - folders, files, papers, notes and notepads and notebooks and note-taking materials. there are just so much notes here.

i am in my mothers office.its not really her's but the things here make it look like its her's.

i am here because i 'drove' her here.

i am here because she was 'tired'.

i am gonna be here for 2 hours. or unless i go to jill's.

being here makes me wonder when im actually going to be Here. When will arrive at that point in my life where I will be in a place such as Here.

when will i work?

why do i hafta work?

can i..

not work?

DSL

2005-05-30T04:14:00.000-07:00

I would want DSL.

actually, i've been wanting DSL.

actually, we'd get DSL for our new house.

actually, i like our new house.

actually, were gonna split this DSL with Sam, my cousin, who lives in the same compound.

oh and actually, thats still on august.

actually.

who is..

2005-05-09T05:08:00.000-07:00

urbana?

on lit 14

2005-05-09T04:21:00.001-07:00

i do not know what to write;

what to say, to express or to speak.

i have no sound, no rhythm or rhyme

i have no image nor imagery, i have but time.

genius.

2005-05-09T04:19:00.000-07:00

i just made my first link here.galing.
and it works!haha..

life...

2005-05-09T03:42:00.000-07:00

is different now..

thats all.

you learn, you grow, you are enlightened and you know more about the world and the people in it.

after that, life becomes different. that's all.

this is sad

2005-04-12T23:39:00.000-07:00

yes this is sad..hahaha..id prefer my blogs to have no titles simply because this whole blogging this is...untitled?hahaha..

im bored.

im bored again and im at a condo doing nothing.supposedly, we were discussing this trip to boracay.i dont know what happened.i just stayed on the bed.

and were all sitting down on the beds staring blankly at everything thats around us.

and i have, yet again, wrote another senseless, meaningless 'blog'. how wonderful. =)

i'd prefer this to have no titles

2005-04-06T10:23:00.000-07:00

i say one is a crowd and two is everyone else is around you. =)

hmmmm

2005-04-06T10:07:00.000-07:00

i just realized how ugly and pathetic my thoughts are...

all of them.

hehe..

wala lang din=)

im bored

2005-04-06T09:54:00.000-07:00

im bored.

these two words say a lot about my life now.

the fact that im actually typing and saying this speaks a lot as well.

the fact that im still writing sentences means im bored..really bored.

and now i can hear my dog moaning for his ugly dog 'girlfriend' barking outside the street.

magaling na ba ako magsulat? =)

hehe..

i say

2005-04-04T08:41:00.000-07:00

i say what i have to say.

ive asked this friend about blogging.sabi niya:

"yuck you blog"
"ya i know"
"do you have a blog" i ask
"no. if i had one, itd be long enough for a book"
"haha..sabi ko nga."

well if i had one and was actually serious about it, there'd be no more space for any OTHER blog..nor a book..or a movie or a script..or any other literary piece of work..

so why am i doing this?dang..i must be bored.ya.i am bored.hahah.

so now that i have one, what do i do with it?

testing...

2005-04-03T08:08:00.000-07:00

testing??man im bored...sabi wala pa daw akong post..pero meron na pala
haha..

hi its me

2005-04-03T08:03:00.000-07:00

yes, its me. go figure.